


Yuri Plisetsky Becomes an Emo Rockstar for a Day (or, Victor is going to be sleeping on the couch)

by ladanse



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Help, Humor, Welcome to the Madness, Yurio has Bad Ideas, based on Welcome to the Madness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 08:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10589892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladanse/pseuds/ladanse
Summary: Chris's cellphone trills a lively note, almost buzzing off the table next to him."Victor!" he says, jovial."Uh." says the voice over the phone. Not Victor."Who is this?""It's Yuri. Plisetsky."Chris pauses, before his face stretches into a full Cheshire cat grin. "Yurio! To what do I owe the pleasure?""Giacometti," Yurio starts, voice cracking halfway through the word. He clears his throat. "I need a costume."





	

**Author's Note:**

> I promised myself I would never write for this fandom again after Last Time but.....................here we are
> 
> i'm blaming @missspock for 50% of these headcanons. please go read her cat!victuuri fic.
> 
> welcome to this shitpost my dudes

 

  
Chris's cellphone trills a lively note, almost buzzing off the table next to him. Disgruntled, he lifts the brim of his sunhat, fingers grasping for his mai tai. When he sees the caller ID, he allows himself a fortifying sip before answering the phone.

  
"Victor!" he says, jovial.

  
"Uh." says the voice over the phone. Not Victor.

  
"Who is this?"

  
"It's Yuri. Plisetsky."

  
Chris pauses, before his face stretches into a full Cheshire cat grin. "Yurio! To what do I owe - " he waits out Yuri's vociferous and very Russian protests - "the _pleasure_?" He lets the word tingle in his mouth, because that's just who he is, also because it shuts Yurio up.

  
"Giacometti," Yurio starts, voice cracking halfway through the word. He clears his throat. "I need a costume." This last part is muttered, almost embarrassed. Chris puts his drink aside and sits up in his lounge chair.

  
"A costume?" he repeats, feigning confusion. "Ask Yakov, no?"

  
"No, I." says Yurio. "He said - well. I want something that - that - hey," he breaks off angrily, "stop laughing!"

  
Chris is bent double, giggling hard enough that he has to wipe away tears, that an attendant actually comes over to see if he's all right. "Say no more, little one," he says. "Say no more."

  
*

  
TO: christophe.giacometti@yahoo.com  
FROM: yptiger@gmail.com  
RE: costume  
\--

is this ok.

ATTACHED:_black_mens_tank.png

 

TO: yptiger@gmail.com  
FROM: christophe.giacometti@yahoo.com  
RE: costume  
\--

This is a good start ;) I will have Guillerme make some adjustments. And you need a jacket. and pants.

I won't tell Yuuri!

 

(1 unread message)

TO: christophe.giacometti@yahoo.com  
FROM: yptiger@gmail.com  
RE: costume  
\--

NO NO _NO_ ADJUSTMENTS!!!!!!!!!

  
*

  
Chris watches in satisfaction as Guillerme presents the modified costume. But -

  
"Make the cutouts deeper," he says, frowning.

  
"Sir," says Guillerme, long-suffering. "I cannot recommend -"

  
Chris waves an imperious hand. Guillerme tries again. "The costume will fall off - "

  
"Yes." The gleam in Chris's eye is worrying. "Exactly."

  
"Sir - "

  
Chris picks up the top, and rips out the stiches, tearing the edges of the neatly sewn cutout. Guillerme makes a cut-off, wordless noise, and Chris smiles, beatific. "Whoops."

  
*

  
" _WHAT??!?"_

  
Yurio gapes at the slip of fabric he's holding. The black scrap beneath it, which is supposedly his pants (?), looks worryingly small. And the jacket is sewn almost exactly like Victor's old one, with a note from Chris that says, "take this off after your intro!". Chris's form of consolation seems to be the Ray-Bans that are tucked neatly into the box, and the black makeup palette next to it, although Yurio has no idea what to do with either.

  
He notes, with a sinking sense of dread, that Christophe Giacometti was the wrong person to trust.

  
*

  
"Mila."

  
"What, Yurio?" says Mila, not looking up. Yurio takes a fortifying breath.

  
"I need help with makeup design."

  
Mila still does not look at him. "For your exhibition? That's tomorrow, don't make changes _now_ \- "

  
"IT WASN'T MY IDEA, OKAY?"

  
_Now_ Mila looks up, the fucker. "Then whose was it?"

  
Ah. Wouldn't she like to know.

  
"Wouldn't you like to know," says Yurio, attempting to sound mysterious. He has a suspicion that it comes out surly instead.

  
She looks at him and says, "Otabek is going to be at the exhibition."

  
"Yes," says Yurio, not quite meeting her eyes.

  
Then, wonder of wonders, she shrugs. "I'm busy," she says. "Go ask Georgi."

  
Georgi, who has been unsubtly eavesdropping, gives Yurio a terrifying grin. "I have some ideas for you."

  
Yurio wonders, vaguely, whether his life has always felt this out of control.

  
*

  
That night, Yurio takes Georgi's sketches and Chris's costume box and Yakov's forms to Victor's apartment. He knocks, loudly, and rings the doorbell several times (he learned that lesson the hard way).

  
Victor answers, a whirlwind of cheer. There's a smudge of what Yurio _hopes_ is flour on his cheek and he's wearing an apron that (for some unfathomable reason) reads "#1 DAD". Over his shoulder, Yurio sees the pig curled up peacefully on the couch, a blanket and Maccachin draped over his midsection.

  
Perfect.

  
"Wow," says Yurio, attempting a mix of cheerfulness and interest. The smile feels stretched too wide on his face. "You're cooking." He cringes, internally - what was _that_ , now he'll know something's up -

  
"Yurio?" says Victor, leaning down to peer into his eyes. "Is everything - "

  
"Are you cooking for - " Yurio swallows - "Yuuri?"

  
Victor blinks.

  
"It looks like _piroskhi_ ," tries Yurio, desperately.

  
Victor's face, miraculously (and predictably) clears. "Yes!" he says, all exuberant grace. "Actually, I thought you could taste the filling - "

  
"Yeah, yeah," Yurio says, walking over, and picks the spoon out of the pot. He tastes and immediately chokes. "You just need - uh - it might be better if - "

  
Victor's face falls comically. "We need to start over, don't we?"

  
Yurio nods, swallowing his knee-jerk _we???_ and begins pulling vegetables out of the fridge.

  
"Oh, Victor," he adds, attempting nonchalance. "Can you sign off on the changes to my costume? For tomorrow?"

  
"Hmm? Oh, yes," says Victor, distracted. He gropes around for a pen and signs without looking. Yuuri is tempted to jump and cheer, except then Victor asks him what the difference between an ounce and a gram is. He settles for banging his head on the countertop instead.

  
*

  
"Perfect," says Georgi, imperious and pleased. He nods at his makeup artist, who looks like she would rather be anywhere else.

  
Yurio blinks at his reflection in the mirror. He had his doubts but - this might actually be what he wanted.

  
"You look like a panda," says Mila. "It's horrifying, and of course we don't have time to wipe it off." Her phone's flash goes off in his face, and he flinches. "Whoops," she says, unrepentant, and mutters to herself as she types.

  
"Is this really happening?" says Yurio. The makeup artist catches his eye, and shrugs in solidarity.

  
*

  
"What is he _wearing_?" says Yuuri, frozen in the stands.

  
"He asked _GEORGI POPOVITCH_ for makeup help?!" says Phichit, next to him. His hand is over his mouth, like he might start sobbing at the tragedy of Yurio's panda-eyes.

  
"Victor is sleeping on the couch," says Yuuri, decisively. "For a _month_."

  
"Do you think the jacket was Chris's idea?"

  
"Chris is the only one who would forget he's _fifteen_ \- "

  
Otabek, next to them, buries his face in his hands.

  
*

  
Yakov nearly has an aneurysm. Lilia actually seems to _approve_. The skaters begin giving her a wider berth.

  
*

  
("Plisetsky or Panda?" trends on Twitter for a solid week, and Chris and Mila congratulate themselves for a job well done.)

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://www.bollywood-and-phoenix-feather.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> kudos & comments feed my heart pls i beg


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